Apparently, transcripts of conversations I have in my head with Myself, or with other Elements, is also a theme this month. Walking home through the neighborhood, just after sunset, when the moon was more than a crescent, but less than a quarter, La Luna broke her silence and shared with me many gifts. This conversation is very precious to me, and I share it here, in part to mark its significance, and in part because it wanted to be shared.
ME: Oh, hello again, Moon!
La Luna: [gazing intently in my direction, but saying nothing]
ME: Okay, what? What do you want? You've been very bright and in my face since emerging from your New Moon place. What are you trying to tell me? What am I not doing or getting?
La Luna: Why do you always assume that you're doing something wrong, or that you are somehow not doing or being enough? What if I like shining on your face? What if I simply enjoy the way you see me? What if I have a gift for you that comes unconditionally?
La Luna: Tell me about the word and the new concept that came together for you today.
ME: Oh! Nous! Well, I've been listening to the audio version of Cynthia Bourgeault's The Meaning of Mary Magdalene: Discovering the Woman at the Heart of Christianity, and at one point she breaks down the differences in the popular understanding of the word 'nous,' and brings an important historical usage to it's definition. But since it was a new concept and I was listening instead of reading, I kept hearing the word, 'noose.' This did not make sense to me at all. What I know of noose isn't good, and yet she was talking about it as if it were a really good thing. I did what I could to research the various definitions of noose, but could not make it work and have been chewing on that word in combination with Bourgeault's idea of it for several days. I even tried to turn its meaning into 'lasso' instead of 'noose,' and that fit better, but it felt unfinished. Then, today, I finally got my hands on a copy of the book and discovered that she was talking about 'nous' - not 'noose'!
La Luna: And how do you now understand nous?
ME: Basically, when that word shows up in The Gospel of Mary, it's not in reference to the mind or to intelligence as we use it today - thanks to Aristotle - but rather to a state of the heart, which, at the time of writing, would have been considered another, more pure, form of intelligence than the head/mind or heart/emotion by itself. It is the heart's ability to perceive and communicate with divinity was able to create this nous state of being almost like a field for tracking and communication with much higher intelligence and wasn't bound by logic or rationality.
La Luna: I remember you tried to practice this connection when you still had the wrong word in mind, noose, and it didn't get you where you could feel nous was trying to take you. And then, in a very different conversation, you expressed a lot of frustration and confusion about how it was so easy for you to question all that you believed in when certain kinds of situations of your life get difficult.
ME: Yes, not only was I upset about a particular circumstance, it was very distressing to me that I also lost all hope or faith and even questioned my sanity in the belief of my connection to the greater Whole. I thought I was building something real, and it turns out to be a house of cards that collapses at the gentlest breeze. Either I believe, or I don't, and I'm still not really sure how to deal with that.
La Luna: Would you like to try practicing the nous connection with me right now?
ME: Yes, please! [Takes a deep breath of focus and is immediately flooded with the purest connection of light and love coming towards her from the moon.]
La Luna: [Holding strong a field of connection.] Now feel it cycle back all on it's own. No pushing or pulling or trying or holding. Just openness, awareness, and flow.
ME: You've been doing this all month, haven't you?
La Luna: Reflecting LIGHT is my only job, I've been doing it for a very long time. It's just that right now, you need to experience it; you've been searching for it, and preparing for it, and asking for it. You are always heard and always answered.
ME: Always? Really? Because I have a lot of questions without answers, and I've been asking them for a long time.
[A cluster of tiny clouds blow through, freckling La Luna's face.]
La Luna: Do you see these clouds? These are the Clouds of Your Understanding. They blow in between us, but you can still see me clearly. Can you still feel our nous-connection?
ME: Yes, it hasn't changed.
[The tiny clouds move on, exposing her fully again.]
La Luna: As you mature, and continue to think and learn, your understandings will come and go like clouds in the sky between you and what is Ultimate. But the connection is an eternal connection; it has always been reaching for you, and now you are aware that you can consciously enter into the awareness of this eternal, unbreakable bond.
[One solid cloud moves in front of La Luna. It obscures her face completely, but her light behind it shines and illuminates the edges of the cloud.]
La Luna: Now this Cloud covers me completely, but you can still see my light. What kind of a connection do we have now?
ME: A strong connection! If any change has occurred, it's that I can feel a stronger presence.
La Luna: Our connection remains fully in tact, even as Your Cloud of Understanding covers the answer to why there is light behind the cloud, you are comforted by the fact that at least you can still see my light, correct?
ME: Yes, it is easier to trust that you are still there because even though I cannot see you directly, I can see evidence of you. In this kind of situation, I might not even try to feel the connection because my mind has the evidence it requires to make a decision about whether or not to trust in your presence.
La Luna: Your mind is strong, and likes to make strong declarations and decisions. This is also a wonderful gift, and it requires that you learn how to use it in a way that doesn't keep you from using other gifts.
[A much larger cloud takes its place in front of La Luna. This one covers all of her face and all of her light, darkening the entire sky.]
La Luna: What do you feel now?
ME: I feel everything. It is a strong, gentle force of Purity and Grace.
La Luna: But you can see neither me nor evidence of me because the Clouds of Your Understanding are thick, and everything has been thrown into darkness for reasons you cannot decipher. How could you possibly remain confident of my presence when everything about me is obscured from you?
ME: Your presence is not determined by what I can or cannot see with my eyes, reason with my mind, or create with my imagination. The thing that holds us together holds us regardless of my awareness of being held.
La Luna: Good. Now sit on your porch and consider these things with both your heart and your head.
[I sit. We are silent for several minutes.]
La Luna: One last thing. Without moving from your seat on the porch, look up to the sky to find me.
ME: I can't see you from here, this great tree completely blocks my view.
La Luna: Sometimes, things will come between us that have nothing to do with you or your abilities to understand, reason, or feel. They can be helpers, or foes, or simply neutral circumstances. You will be tempted to focus on labeling the obstruction - good, bad, or indifferent - because if it is in your power to remove it, you will want to do the work to make things clear again. But it is when you are more concerned with the labeling that you lose your awareness of our connection. The connection remains steadfast, but you cannot remain fully in the flow of nous if you are focused on figuring out what has blocked your vision. When there are obstacles, place your attention back to the connection - you may have to go deep inside yourself to find it, some obstacles create a lot of distraction and static - your path around or through the obstacle will become clear the more you keep your attention on the Greater Connection.
Now, go inside, and don't go to sleep until you have written all of this down for yourself and for the others who are waiting with ears to hear.